mommyism of the day

He did it! My sweet amazing barely two year old just told me he had to go potty, and went pee in the pot. Talk about proud! Between that and being woken up early from his nap for a routine developmental assessment (at which he did stellar, and also made me so proud) he is now currently getting anything and everything he wants. For me that means endless episodes of The Wiggles and stickers all over his PJ's while I pat myself on the back with a glass of wine before friends come over for Charlie Brown & The Great Pumpkin and Toy Story Of Terror. Fortunately, his favorite dinner...pizza...was already on the menu after a crockpot catastrophe of epic proportions.

So maybe I'm spoiling my little guy just a tad, but not nearly as much as he spoils me.

when it's hard to be aware

This has been a particularly painful month on Facebook. October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and I’ve seen posts bringing attention to the heartbreak and frankly, I don’t want to be any more aware of my own loss as I already am. This past week however I have been caught in a few situations that remind me of the importance of spreading awareness of how common and heart-wrenching miscarriages are, which have brought me to this post.

I was sitting in my cardiologist’s office as a nurse and I talked about our kids, and how fun it has been having a toddler but he’s growing up so fast. Her response was that of many women, “Oh, you know what that means! It’s time to have another! Are you going to have more kids?” I was speechless , because how do you answer that when you’ve had 4 positive pregnancy tests (two before Caleb, one earlier this year), with one living child. My response to the nurse was something to the effect of “We’d like to, it has just been complicated for us.” Her response, again, was what I hear from so many people... “Oh, you know, just when you aren’t expecting it, you’ll get pregnant!” Again, I was speechless. Surely this unsuspecting cardiology nurse was not ready for me to unload to her that I have no problem getting pregnant, just staying pregnant even with rounds of tests and shots.The next day a parent of one of our preschoolers at my job said the same thing… “Caleb has gotten so big! You know that means it’s time for #2!”

To be blunt, these are such ignorant statements. Just because I have a son does not mean the journey in growing our family is simple. This is where I believe spreading awareness is critical. Women like me have so many layers of emotions and don’t know how to respond in truth when we are put on the spot with questions or comments about having more children when we have experienced such deep loss.

I share this for two reasons. One is to open someone’s eyes, make someone aware of what they ask women and their families regardless of whether or not they already have children. You may not know the journey that person has walked through to try to begin answering what may seem like such a simple and direct question. It is such a sensitive, fluid subject and I never know how to react when put on the spot. I also need anyone I know to understand that I am here. I have been through this journey and if you have lost a baby, I know your pain. You are not alone! Please take comfort in that, and know you can reach out to me at any time.

Caleb is amazing. He is everything to Sean & I. His joy is infectious, we cherish every moment with him. He is our rainbow and our miracle. We don’t take a single moment for granted. He makes us laugh endlessly, and I miss him every moment I’m not with him. I don’t want this to be seen as Caleb not being “enough.” We are so beyond blessed to have him when we know so many families don’t get to have the family we have, or go through loads more to get there. He is incredible, and the journey we have been through has brought us to the sweetest little family we have prayed for and dreamed of. Also, million thanks to the community we have surrounding us through the roller coaster we have been on. I don’t know where I would be without you guys, you know who you are!

lessons learned: edward the emu

One of my favorite books as a child and now reading to my toddler is Edward the Emu by Sheena Knowles. If you haven't read it, here's a link to amazon because seriously, its fantastic. It is simple, fun to read, and just a lovely story. Every time I read this, a few very grown-up lessons make themselves clear to me. I find encouragement in this children's book that I would love to share with you.

Spoiler Alert: Much of this books text is copied in the text below. 

"Edward the emu was sick of the zoo,
There was nowhere to go, there was nothing to do,
And compared to the seals that lived right next door,
Well being an emu was frankly a bore."

Lesson 1: Everyone gets the itch. Something else has got to be bigger, better, more exciting than the mundane lives we may have. So-and-so is living the dream! What am I doing with my life!? Maybe if I'm more like them...

Well Edward was really enjoying the day,

till he overheard someone behind the fence say,

"The seals are always amusing its true,

but the lions are the best thing I see at the zoo."

Lesson 2: Everyone has an opinion on the life you choose to live, the decisions you make, and the person that you are. They're behind the fence! They don't live your life. They don't know your story. They haven't had the experiences that have brought you to this place in your life. Also, you can't please everyone. Someone will always be wishing you were "more _____."

Well Edward was just warming up for the day,

When he overheard one of the visitors say,

"The snakes are impressive I know that is true,

but the emus are by far the best thing at the zoo."

"The emu!" gasped Edward, "My goodness that's me,

I'm the thing that gentleman most likes to see.

Not the seals, the lions, the snakes and the rest,

It's Edward the emu he likes to see best."

Lesson 3: You are loved. You may not be everyone's favorite, you may not have the ability to offer what everyone needs in a friend or relationship, but someone (and I'm going to go out on a limb here and say many people) just want YOU. They see value in you, because you are irreplaceable. You can try being everyone else, meeting everyone's expectations, but you so critically need to be you. What is that saying? Be you, everyone else is taken.

 Side note: This is my favorite part to read to my son, he laughs hysterically every time I gasp at "THE EMU!? My goodness that's me!")

Edward ran to the place where he used to reside,

But Oh what a shock when he clambered inside.

He found himself came suddenly face to face

With the emu they brought in to take Edward's place.

The emus considered each other for a while,

Then the new emu said, with a shy little smile,

"Hello, I'm Edwina it's nice meeting you,

You're the best thing I've seen since I came to the zoo."

Lesson 4: Your journey is just that. A journey just for you, and it may lead you through so many twists and turns and your future will be better for it if you wind up coming back to being true to yourself. Edward the Emu worked for this journey or self-discovery. He mimicked several groups of people... I mean animals... trying to find excitement and acceptance. In the end, he learned he was valued, he learned he was important, and he found his life and experiences had been expanded. 

We all have a connection with Edward the Emu. Getting caught up in a desire for adventure and excitement, trying new things and new identities. The second half of the story is the resolve many people need in their life. Discover your individuality, know you are irreplaceable, and come back to being the best version of yourself you can be. Who knows what your future will hold...

No really... I don't know what the future held for Edward the Emu. However with how much I adore him and his new-found lady friend Edwina, I think it's time I order the second book...

Next up on lessons learned from children's stories: Pete the Cat. Stay tuned, Pete is pretty epic.