This has been a particularly painful month on Facebook. October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and I’ve seen posts bringing attention to the heartbreak and frankly, I don’t want to be any more aware of my own loss as I already am. This past week however I have been caught in a few situations that remind me of the importance of spreading awareness of how common and heart-wrenching miscarriages are, which have brought me to this post.
I was sitting in my cardiologist’s office as a nurse and I talked about our kids, and how fun it has been having a toddler but he’s growing up so fast. Her response was that of many women, “Oh, you know what that means! It’s time to have another! Are you going to have more kids?” I was speechless , because how do you answer that when you’ve had 4 positive pregnancy tests (two before Caleb, one earlier this year), with one living child. My response to the nurse was something to the effect of “We’d like to, it has just been complicated for us.” Her response, again, was what I hear from so many people... “Oh, you know, just when you aren’t expecting it, you’ll get pregnant!” Again, I was speechless. Surely this unsuspecting cardiology nurse was not ready for me to unload to her that I have no problem getting pregnant, just staying pregnant even with rounds of tests and shots.The next day a parent of one of our preschoolers at my job said the same thing… “Caleb has gotten so big! You know that means it’s time for #2!”
To be blunt, these are such ignorant statements. Just because I have a son does not mean the journey in growing our family is simple. This is where I believe spreading awareness is critical. Women like me have so many layers of emotions and don’t know how to respond in truth when we are put on the spot with questions or comments about having more children when we have experienced such deep loss.
I share this for two reasons. One is to open someone’s eyes, make someone aware of what they ask women and their families regardless of whether or not they already have children. You may not know the journey that person has walked through to try to begin answering what may seem like such a simple and direct question. It is such a sensitive, fluid subject and I never know how to react when put on the spot. I also need anyone I know to understand that I am here. I have been through this journey and if you have lost a baby, I know your pain. You are not alone! Please take comfort in that, and know you can reach out to me at any time.
Caleb is amazing. He is everything to Sean & I. His joy is infectious, we cherish every moment with him. He is our rainbow and our miracle. We don’t take a single moment for granted. He makes us laugh endlessly, and I miss him every moment I’m not with him. I don’t want this to be seen as Caleb not being “enough.” We are so beyond blessed to have him when we know so many families don’t get to have the family we have, or go through loads more to get there. He is incredible, and the journey we have been through has brought us to the sweetest little family we have prayed for and dreamed of. Also, million thanks to the community we have surrounding us through the roller coaster we have been on. I don’t know where I would be without you guys, you know who you are!
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