I really, really wanted to laugh. I remember being a kid and just knowing in my soul that if I could just escape my parents controlling wrath and live with my Grandma, I would be the happy, healthy, successful, thriving girl that my awful parents were preventing me from being. (spoiler alert, I became all those things in my parents house. Crazy, right?) Watching my son hit that moment of deepest desire to be with my mom, his Nana, instead of me, was an, "Oh, Honey" moment. This was my 6 year old's last ditch effort at making me lose it, but, surprisingly I was keeping it together better than he would have liked. He had already shoved his food at me, swatted his hands at my husband and I, hit my wall, hit the door, stomped upstairs, and laid on his bedroom floor kicking as hard as he could to get our attention. I think he threw some stuff around too.
What, you ask, could possibly bring my sweet cherub to this level of anger?
He couldn't remember his best friends favorite song. Yup. He asked me what R's favorite song was and I said I'm not sure, maybe you can ask him tomorrow. He lost it. We had tears... REAL tears... because he just couldn't remember and we were the worst parents ever for not having the answer. Cue the next-level tantrum and fit of rage through the house.
Go ahead! Say it!
What. A. Brat.
No six year old should be behaving like this. Throwing a tantrum of this caliber is just asinine! It was the kind of tantrum much smaller children throw and please believe I understand that. It took everything in me not to completely lash out, punish, yell, demand better behavior because I know he doesn't respond well or learn from that. But what happened next made my heart swell for him.
Eventually he came downstairs while Sean & I were finishing our dinner and discussing whether he would be allowed to go to Awanas that night. He snuck down and "hid" from us to overhear our conversation before coming out and telling us "I heard you guys talking, you know."
Ok. Are you ready to talk?
"Yes. Did you ever feel really frustrated when you were a kid?"
He was completely calm. We talked about how all three of us get frustrated when we don't feel like someone understands us. We talked about how even when we yell and scream and hit and throw, it doesn't solve the problem. We talked about how when we were kids we would be upset and when grown-ups couldn't help us we got angry. We talked about how when we get angry now, we have to find ways to calm down. My husband and I shared that we both need some alone time to get it together. Caleb was able to name a few things that help him. I asked him, "Caleb, next time you get angry, what is something I should tell you to do that will help you calm down?" and he said "Tell me to go draw a picture."
Hold on while I pat myself on the back because that felt like such a Mom Win. He sat with us and we talked about big feelings, what helps them, what makes them worse, and ways we can do better for over 30 minutes. I got up from the table feeling like he got it, he understood. He'll make mistakes, as we do, but now I know better how to help him and teach him. He has taught me so much about myself and about raising kids who feel such big emotions and I know going into foster care our family will be more prepared because of what his sensitive soul has taught us. He feels so deeply, and sometimes he really can't figure out what to do with all those feelings. How can I possibly expect him to, when I go through the same thing? I often feel things so deeply that I can't handle all of the emotions going on within me and I don't always let them out in the best way - and I'm supposed to be teaching him! He has taught me so much and I am grateful for everything about him - temper tantrums and all.
Later that evening he was getting his shoes on for Awanas and was singing Radioactive by Imagine Dragons. I hate that song. Anyway, my husband says "Caleb... is that R's favorite song?
"Oh, yeah! It is!"
...and just like that, the mystery was solved. It was just a really rough & windy road filled with priceless life lessons to get there.
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